Twas’ the Night Before Closing…

In honor of the upcoming holiday, we are so happy to share the wonderful poem originally presented by Lynn Arseneau of Signature Associates at our Volunteer Appreciation event…

Twas’ the day before closing
and all through the night
“I sure hope the walk-through
turns out all right”.

I’m a counselor, a teacher,
sometimes I’m a pastor
With TRID in effect, I can’t close any faster.

Made it through the inspection,
I thought I’d go crazy,
4 over-fused circuits
And a window that’s hazy.

The sewer line is bad,
The roof’s got 3 layers of shingles
Santa can’t land on top of it
With his jangles and jingles.

There’s a crack in basement
The furnace is dirty
And the radon results –
Can you believe, it was 30!?

This inspector is good
Explains with much clarity
It’s a Federal Pacific panel
And we have reverse polarity.

You’re going to need gutters
The chimney needs to be pointed
The plumbing pipes seem
To be all disjointed.

Now appliances, they stay every now and again,
But the stove must pass the test.
It must be bolted to the wall,
If, on the open door, a large turkey or child will rest!

Well, out on the lawn there arose such a clatter!
I ran to the window to see what was the matter!
And there outside he had a back hoe and a pump
Digging the septic was a cute plump little chump!

He had a broad face, and his donut, t’was jelly
A coffee with cream and some gloves that were smelly.
Long story short, the septic did fail
Oh gosh, what the heck will this mess entail?

Then, there’s the appraiser
The bank can’t find one here
It’s been over 6 weeks
And he’s from Delaware.

Oh, let us not forget the good ol’ Purchase and Sale
I sent it off for attorney review
He re-wrote it all then returned it to me
WHERE’s the VALIUM?  Give me a few!

On co-broke, on lawyer, inspector and plumber; go banker, appraiser, this deal is a bummer,
On buyer, on seller and all of their parents
My head is all screwed up, I’m so incoherent!
A flood zone, asbestos, lead paint and now farming
The number of things is just so alarming!

AH…but the closing’s tomorrow
I’ve made it though
I’ll finally get thanked
For all I do!

So Santa will be there
At the new house on his sleigh
The kids will leave cocoa and cookies and hay.
I’ll cash my check and I’ll figure my pay,
It’s somewhere around 12 cents a day.

– Lynn Arseneau, Berkshire REALTOR